My baby came to me lately
 'Honey, please don't take this bad, but maybe
 When you laid me
 Could we try to spice it up?'

 I looked across the table
 First to see if she was joking
 No joke
 There was no flicker
 Just a girl who wanted more

 Than meat and potatoes
 She may stop at whips and chains
 She needs carousal
 More arousal
 bit of pain

 So we started by using handcuffs
 We tried a can of cold whipped cream
 I was allergic to so much dairy
 She had to finish it all by herself

 Then I slapped her
 She wasn't expecting
 So she hit me back
 She friggin' cracked me
 I got a nose bleed
 She was angry
 She wanted more

 Than mean and potatoes
 She may stop at pumps and drains!
 She needs carousal
 More arousal
 bit of pain

 Invite the neighbours
 Or total strangers
 Give yourself a leg up, honey
 Wear 'The Queen' mask
 Put on the French basque
 It's full of handy holes
 If we're going to use them all
 We're going to need more than

 Meat and potatoes!
 She may draw the line at dolls and freaks
 She needs some abusing
 Some amusement
 To get through the week

 'I know you respect me
 You won't reject me
 And the arrow of our love is straight and [bad word] #39;