Who's that waddlin' down the street?
It's just me, 'cause I love to eat
Fudge and Twinkies and deviled ham
Who's real flabby? Yes, I am!
Every picture of me's
Gotta be an aerial view
Now my doctor tells me
There's just one thing left to do--
 [bad word] Diet (Diet!)
Throw out the pizza and beer [bad word] Diet (Diet!)
Oh, get those jelly donuts out of here [bad word] Diet (Diet!)
Might seem a little severe [bad word] Diet (Diet!)
I'm gettin' tired of my big fat rear
Blow, fatty!

Well, I used to live on chocolate sauce
Made sumo wrestlers look like Kate Moss
Walked down an alley and I got stuck
I got more rolls than a pastry [bad word] When I'm all done eating
I eat a little more
When I leave a room
First I gotta grease the door
 [bad word] Diet (Diet!)
Can't have another éclair [bad word] Diet (Diet!)
I gotta decrease my derriere

I'm on a [bad word] Diet
I'm on a [bad word] Diet
I'm on a [bad word] Diet

No more pie now
No more créme [bad word] Lay off the gravy
And souffle
No french fri-yi-yies now
No ice cream parfait
Mr. Cheese Nacho
Stay away

Oh, I think I'd sell my soul
For a triple patty melt
But I need a boomerang
When I put on my belt
 [bad word] Diet (Diet!)
Lay off the 3 Musketeers [bad word] Diet (Diet!)
Until my big booty disappears [bad word] Diet (Diet!)
Eat 'em till [bad word]  out of my ears [bad word] Diet (Diet!)
'Cause I haven't seen my feet in years

I'm on a [bad word] Diet
I'm on a [bad word] Diet
I'm on a [bad word] Diet

I think I'm about ready for a Quarter Pounder with extra cheese
I need a side order of onion rings
And don't forget to Super-Size that