Where were you Mr. Johnson? 

Well it started when I was a boy in beautiful Montana 
I was farming Alpacas with my father and mama 
When late one night I was climbing a tree 
And out of nowhere a mountain lion [bad word] upon me 
Well our dog, Lady Trixie, was nowhere to be seen 
Turkish Anatolian as tough as can be 
Did I fight the lion off? [bad word] I sure did try 
But I was just a boy, and that's the first time I died 

Considering the seriousness of the crime son 
You better not be lying or you'll do your time 
So I ask again, where were you Mr. Johnson? 

I bounced back as a man out in sunny Australia 
I started me a business, I was [bad word] 
I met my late wife and she brought forth a son 
And just outside the hospital there was a hit [bad word] 
They ran me right over, they left me to die 
Funny that the hospital was right in sight 
And all through my life not one lie have I said 
that was in 1982, the second time I was dead 

You claimed you were climbing the peaks of the great white Rockies 
reborn warrior, you were fighting off grizzlies 
You died a third time then you came back in Mali 
Are you ready to testify all of this to the jury 

I don't believe you Mr Johnson 

I do believe you are guilty as charged.